Tuesday, December 16, 2008

News Flash: QT Scrooges Wonderland



“You ought to be paying me! You’re working in a freaking winter wonderland!” I was on a roof, a steep roof, in the snow, when Matt Bockensteadt, my employer at the time, yelled that to his crew. It was cold and scary and a long way down. I shivered.


Another time, in Delhi, Iowa, I woke up at my friend Frank’s parent’s house to what looked like an avalanche outside the window. Frank and Matt were high school chums growing up in Delhi way before I knew either of them.

Accompanying the snow, I heard thumping on the roof and envisioned reindeer or a snowy apocalypse.

Map showing Offending QuikTrip“Where’s Frank,” I asked his mom.

“Shoveling the roof,” she replied mater-of-factly. 'Of course,' I thought, 'like one does.'

I’m reminded of these incidents on a day like today, walking to the Lindquist Center from just south of campus, past the Quick Trip on the corner of Madison and Burlington. It is a winter wonderland out there. It’s not my favorite snow today. I like the warm snow, the soggy, big flake snow that drapes itself over the grass and leafs on the ground, draping them with cold messy beauty. They melt for a while upon contact before beginning to cover it up. Those are catch on your tongue snowflakes; that is snowball snow. It’s not the best to walk to class in as it clings and moistens unduly. And, it’s just not as pretty. Today, it’s cold. The snowflakes are small and the wind is still. They float on the air as much as fall, turning the sky white with slow motion. They don’t melt, and they don’t stick. It’s too chilly to be sticky. They just pile up in and around the grass, covering it by slow degrees, four inches in eight hours. If they land on your shoulder, they brush off or fall off in the least breeze of movement. This is the snow of Robert Frost’sStopping by Woods”.

Which is to say that it ain’t that hard to shovel.

Last year, the ice build up on the two sidewalks outside of QuikTrip lasted from first freeze to final thaw. It looks like they’re gearing up for that performance again this year. This doesn’t so much surprise me – Iowa City businesses – with notable exceptions – are abysmal at scooping their walks. But this with QT is what I really don’t get.

The weather report confirms that the snow is coming down at half an inch per hour. This means if QuikTrip sent out a minimum wage employee once an hour, said employee would have to move half an inch of snow off the walk with a shovel. No shovel, you might wonder? They sell them. What about accumulations overnight? They’re open 24 / 7.

But last year, it may be noted, was an icy year. Ice storm after ice storm. That was beautiful, too, except for the broken trees that reminded me more of Frost’s “Birches,” ice sickles on the ground like the dome of heaven had shattered, or hanging from the trees like a coat of diamonds. But that stuff’s not like shoveling powdery snow. It’s freezing.

QuikTrip sells ice melt.

So, one might want to ask: why does a store, staffed with young able employees, a store that is open all night on a corner lot and has an inventory of shovels, a store that sells ice melt, why does such a store not think it has a responsibility to, oh, I don’t know, people who walk – not to mention those that get around by wheelchair or other mobility device – not think it has a responsibility to shovel the sidewalk. Or maybe they think their frozen burritos are community service enough.

Maybe they’ll figure this out at some point, but in the mean time they’re Scrooging up my Winter Wonderland.

Friday, December 12, 2008

Luddites aren't just crotchety old geezers

One of the dangers in /using/ computers is that people may think you /like/ computers. Any vestige of liking them disappeared for me when Apple introduced their new line of laptops and decided not to include firewire ports, thereby making them totally incapable of importing digital video from mini DV tapes. The Apple folks seem to think that since newer Historical picture of Luddites smashing a loom. cameras connect thru USB ports, there is no need to maintain the previous standard. Of course, these newer cameras record video in a different format and at much lower quality than the firewire models. In a cynical way this makes sense – Apple figures that it can save a few dollars on the computer, affect a small portion of their consumers who use mini DV, and offend only a percentage of those, most of whom they figure will get over it or buy the upgraded model Mac laptop (for 800 dollars more) that still has the firewire port. Those not offended by the removal of this port call it progress; firewire is an old technology that is much less common than USB. I don’t particularly care for that argument, and I am resistant to change. For the worse. Here I feel like a luddite, insisting the past is better as I feel the overwhelming push of a present that surrounds me and I can in no way stop.

Only, here, the old thing clearly is better.

I also feel nerdy knowing all the things I do about firewire connections – transfer speed, compatibility, reasons for their superiority over USB, why digital video is meant to work with it, etc. – and this is where the danger of appearing to be an enthusiast rears. Consider a comparison with baseball statistics and automotive details. Think about people talking about cars, and what image do you conjure? Is it men in work clothes but at their leisure, arguing Chevy vs. Ford vs. Chrysler trucks, or talking racing and modifications and after-market accessories? Boring things out, adding turbo chargers, cleaning and polish and chroming of parts you haven’t heard of? Or the more sober comparison of similar figures by cautious consumers looking for a family sedan? See, unlike baseball statistics, some of these things have value. I sometimes feel like a car dude, bragging up my machine, except it’s a computer, the speed measured in megahertz and the size measured in gigs.

Same with computer stuff, I like to think. I don’t want to be the guy who buys a computer and a camera and runs home to find they don’t match up. And, in this example, my equipment doesn’t match up with the new computer I wanted to get. So, this I suppose makes me a luddite, despite the superior quality of the older product being replaced. Which, I suppose, is exactly what the weavers thought in 1811 when the idea of breaking the looms, that promised increased production and reduced labor, in order to protect the livelihood of hand craftspeople occurred to them.Historical picture of the leader of the Luddites as though leading them in battle.
But this isn’t my rub. I spend lots of my day in front of a computer – at home, at work in three different rooms, at my other job teaching teachers how to use computers, my laptop at the coffee shop – and it’s implicated in virtually everything I do to maintain my livelihood. I recognize the computer’s power as a tool, but am an abysmal typist. I understand computers – I took college computer programming classes while I was still in high school – and have a good memory for technical details. I work in tech support. But I don’t like it.

My friend kept himself from laughing at me Wednesday night when I told him what classes I was taking next term. One of them is in bookbinding. By hand, with needles and string and arcane apparatus. I may take papermaking in the fall – will, if I have time. I would rather have my hands on materials. Sawdust. Sandpaper. Stain. Shellac. I like that tactile feel, so unlike the clicking of the keys.

I wonder if there’s a market for handmade paper.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

I don't have a koi pond

My fish aren’t koi. They’re Carp. Not that I suppose there is anything wrong with koi, per se. I met a couple koi at the garden center this last summer and they were cute and friendly, and really, as creatures of privilege, why wouldn’t they be? Of course, one could say the same about the eventual owners of koi, and anyone else with the means to have a pond in their yard. But not all of them are.

I painted a house this last summer and talked to the woman who lived next door to it. She had koi in her pond. She just moved in and had had her house painted in an off white, off due to the addition of a pink tinge. The trim was bright, flat, purple. She kept promising to anyone who would listen that she would paint a mural on the wall facing where I was working. My employer, a former co-worker where I teach, and I shuddered. Mural woman fancied herself an artist, and the mural and her pond was part of her art as life as art programme. The pond was artistic but not aesthetic, I might want to put it. Nature in a frame. The koi weren’t fish anymore; they were art objects. It might remind me of poodles with the grooming where they’re shaved except for poofy spots on their heads and tail and feet, poor things.

At least it seemed to me that to her the koi weren’t koi anymore. How this seemed to the koi may be different. They probably had an easier time respecting themselves than a lot of poodles out there.

No, it’s not koi, but goldfish what’s in my pond. Twenty-three cent goldfish. At one time there were fifteen, then there were five survivors, now there are some ridiculous number. Not all the fellas were fellas. I need to find someone to give the newbies away to. Freecycle, maybe, when they get a little bigger and I can fish them out. I was afraid that the oxygen supply in the pond wouldn’t be great enough to support them all after it freezes over and they’d suffocate under the ice, but I checked with the pond guy at the garden store. It’s deep enough that they should all be fine.

It’s a bit difficult to describe this reason why I like the fact that my fish are plain carp, not fancy koi carp. Or at least the principle is inconsistent. A friend and I compare the respective worth of our fish, hers indoor in a tank and mine out in the mild wild of the yard. She’s appalled that I keep the fellas there in the winter, freezing with the garlic and shallots. I pretend outrage that she keeps hers locked up in a bowl with cats nearby, and I tell her she should bring her fish out for a swim. I like to think of the fellas as rugged, blue collar, Joe the Piscine sorts of guys. Like me. With a pond garden filled with irises and water lilies.

Mural woman’s pond isn’t deep, maybe eighteen inches. It was more shallow at one point in the summer when I put some water lettuce in it. The fish swam frantically en masse, almost like flopping on the beach, only occasionally finding the deep end. I guess Italy has banned giving away goldfish as prizes at fairs; it seems to be illegally cruel to suffocate them in plastic bags. I suspect mural women’s fish will die this winter, freeze their little fins off.

Picture of Poodle groomed in the continental clip fashion
I wasn’t sure my fellas would live thru their first winter. I did buy them a heater, which melts a small hole in the ice to let toxic gasses out. I bought them a filter for living through the winter. It seemed like they deserved a reward, and I also developed new respect for them as fish. But I’m not trying to say I’m so far above letting fish die. I don’t want to sound too all crunchy, but life and death are all part of nature, after all, the eternal cycle and all that. Fish die all the time and it doesn’t so much bother me(*). I just think that if they’re going to die as part of nature, they should be able to do so as part of nature, not artistic ostentations. What’s the difference between a wolf starving to death because it can’t catch any more food, and a dog starving to death because its owner won’t spring for Alpo? What’s the difference between freezing to death climbing a mountain, and freezing to death in your home?



Unless of course the killing is part of the art.


(*) Unless it’s because of river pollution; that pisses me off. The fish frequently try to jump out of the water, it hurts them so bad. That is an interesting thing to think about: can you imagine not trying to jump into the water – another medium in which we can live – but out of the air, into some mystery element that will kill us? Jumping out of the air and into the fire to find relief?

The Iowa DNR on water monitoring

Iowa DNR on fish kill reporting

Iowa DNR on fish kill investigations

Monday, December 8, 2008

I don't have Koi Pond

I have an iPhone. I recently quit my years-long affiliation with Verizon – they being bastards – and took up with AT&T, they being iPhone purveyors. It’s okay as a phone, nothing special, somewhat unergonomic, being flat, and somewhat quiet, being shrouded in an after market protective silicone skin.

In the case that you don’t know, I’ll tell you that the cool thing about the iPhone is that one can download applications for it, some made perhaps by Apple but mostly by third parties. These applications run on the phone and vary from the ‘flashlight’ that makes the screen shine usefully, to tic-tac-toe, to sophisticated games, to file transfer programs, social networking interfaces, and translators, converters, and widgets of all manner. One such application is Koi Pond. It costs a dollar.

I don’t have Koi Pond

The application shows cute pictures of koi swimming around the screen. If one touches them, they wiggle and move away. The urge to poke the screen with the sort of force that would break it is hard to resist.

I never want to hit my goldfish. Our taunt them with worms on pointy hooks. So, what gives?

The thing is, I like electronics. Gadgets. Quad-core processors. On my iPhone, I have the TanZen application, a tangram program. It’s a puzzle in which simple shapes – triangles, a parallelogram, and a square, sized in clever mathematical relation – are used to fill out complex shapes. I play to help increase my visual literacy.

I remember other kids making wooden tangram puzzles, or something like them, in shop class twenty odd years ago. I never got into them. I like the game on the iPhone, tho, in the same why in which I still don’t care for Hangman, which I also have on my phone. The game seems natural.

What I wonder is why I don’t care about the tactile feel of the game. I work in wood, whenever I can: more construction than sculpture, with a preference for cabinet making and shop work. I’ve considered making a tangram puzzle out of exotic woods, rubbing the pieces with rare lustrous oils, French polishing them, rubbing with rottenstone, spraying them with urethane and buffing them out smoother glass before scootching them around on a velvet felt pad. I can’t seem to get much motivation to do it, tho. In fact, I down right don’t want to. It might be a nice shelf piece, something I could have given to my grandmother. I know I wouldn’t use it. Why would I? I have it on the phone.

I could have a pond on my phone.

It’s clearly not that I’m against non-embodiment or electronics. So what do I have against disembodied fish. That I don’t have against unembodied tans? That I don’t feel for polished craft art wooden tans. That I do for fish?

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Farm : Garden :: Stadium Supergroup Concert : Local Bar Band

Maybe winter is a time for looking in; it’s taken me until now to put these things together.

I remember in the summer a friend coming over and hanging out. I was showing off my garden, and he said something along the lines of, ‘you’ve made this a real nice part of your yard over here.’

I thought he was wack. We were standing with the mosquitoes between two raised beds. The peas were nice; instead of cooking or weeding, I stand by the garden and eat them off the vine, shelling the older ones. The peas were also messy and over grown. So were the collards. And the beans were looking to be. The onions don’t really get over grown, but they had needed thinning and I hadn’t had time to cook. The place was a mess, not a scenic outdoor destination; it was neither sacred nor profane, just a place. It wasn’t a place I’d go to.

When I was over there, why I went over there in the first place, I would pull a few weeds, look and see what had grown, pull a few more weeds, tie a piece of jute or strip from an old pillowcase around something. In between each of these, I would eat a few peas. A week after that conversation I would eat a few peas and a few young carrots, too. Then not so young carrots. Eventually, I started thinking about it. I did go to this place. Every day I went to this place. I spent a good portion of my time outside there, as the multiple piles of pea shells demonstrated.

So I became enamored of this little space.

It made me revise – I won’t say rethink – my ideas about the sacredness of nature. They became more expansive. A priest, Father Ed of the Iowa City Newman Catholic Student Center, told me once that all things were sacred, having been made by the hand of God. He wasn’t giving me the answer that I wanted.
Rochester Cemetery, Rochester Iowa.  Click for video.


I wanted him to afford something special to cemeteries and ancient holy spots, and he was having none of it. Cemeteries, a thousand years later, the bones aren’t even dust any more, but the dirt and the flowers and the nature probably still would be. He admitted that some places were sacred to individuals for idiosyncratic reasons, but that everywhere was sacred to God; the bones had nothing to do with it. Of course, I suppose this means that quicksand is sacred, too. But still.

So, I’ve been looking inward. Trying to find the meanings I associate with my idiosyncratic spaces. I like to sit on the other side of the yard. The fish are more fun to watch than the plants. They do more. But I don’t so much like to sit outside. It’s not like I usually work in the garden; I usually fart around, and it’s difficult to fart around on a grand scale .



Monday, December 1, 2008

More on that last thing

I have a friend who doesn’t have a phone. We’re not old best chums or anything like that, and his lack of electronic communications makes it difficult for our relationship to progress. I basically have to hope to run into him at bars. Still – I envy him, not only for his ability to avoid me.

I got some bad news the other day, so I left my phone at home, went running, ran errands, ignored it for a while. An old acquaintance (I have no other term; I can’t believe a friend would behave thus) was pissed at me, having tried to txt msg me all day to ask me to hang out. Kerfuffle ensued.

I feel too connected sometimes.

I teach a class, and in this class I teach students to make comic books and digital videos. One student – not my favorite – after skipping all the class’s work, wrote a nice final exam in an attempt to… something. For good measure, he tacked on a part railing about the class. The gist: how dare I pretend that I teach a progressive class when we made such politically impotent texts. Comics? Commercials? Piffle! I suppose probably should have had them doing something that would have motivated real change – reading Marx or Chomsky or Foucault, I suppose. The commercial his group filmed made fun of methamphetamine users.

When I get a message like that, I usually use it as an opportunity to open a dialogue, but this kid was only in my class that one term – trying to make up credit from before – so I didn’t write back to him on his final. Had I, I might have told him not to confuse the message with the medium. The parody of a Mark Foley campaign ad was super, as were a number of send-ups of tele-consumerism. Comics – I just re-read this in Art Spiegelman’s In the Shadow of No Towers – are not a genre.

Neither is the internet.

So, to balance my Facebook bashing – I wish someone would comment on my status – I want to point out that I just looked up “kerfuffle” (and variants “kerfluffle” with an extra “l,” “carfuffle” with a “car,” along with numerous other variations and the etymology of both) before I trusted myself to use it above.

I also downloaded the complete text to Shirley Jackson’s “The Lottery” and the video of same from some old-timey TV show. I’m talking lesson plans here for my unit on textual adaptation.

I love being constantly connected. I want all the information in the world at my finger tips. I don’t want to miss it, or anything. I don’t want to be bothered either, and I can’t say how this connectivity has made my life any better in a liberationist politico sort of way.

I’m starting to wonder if it’s a problem of personification. We think of the internet as a thing. A vaguely anthropomorphized thing. Not big brother, altho so were big brother a mining engineer, but something with a brain that does things somehow on its own. It’s not a thing, not a monolithic one. Sure, there’s the superhighway, but that’s quite literally just the medium, the thing through which all these channels of information are channeled. The content is, the purposes we put it to, are of our own devising. We can drive to the hoe-down or the symphony or the store. We can talk about our gardens or the internet. So, what is it that pisses me off here? I’ve met the internet… and it’s us.

'Cause evrybody does it-

Ya know what we don’t hear enough of? People criticizing the internet.

And I don’t mean kiddy porn. And I don’t mean corporations whose employees are spending all day on Facebook or eBay. No, I mean we don’t hear enough criticism of the stuff on the web that we’re supposed to like. This must be bad for democracy.

Social networking. WooHoo! I was asked to go to a party a few months ago. Not asked in any personal way, mind you – asked by mass email – and not really a party – a work related affair. My friends rolled their eyes and grumbled about how asked me how I was getting there; I said I wasn’t.

“Why not?” one asked? I was confused by the question, so I retreated to what I thought would be safer ground.

“Why would I?”

My friend said I could see… a whole list of people I barely knew – some woman I had a class with 3 years ago and hadn’t talked to since, some guy none of us liked – as if this was a good thing, and she called it, “You know. Social Networking.”

I joined Facebook because I knew a friend had created a profile on Facebook, and I wanted his email address. So I could invite him to a party. I don’t mean to say that I hate the site. I’ve used it to distribute virtual drinks (via the distribute virtual drinks application) and to become a fan of Pabst Blue Ribbon (a beer I like to drink) and I have read multiple reports and seen numerous pictures of former students getting and being drunk.

More even than virtual alcohol, the great promise of the internet was in the promotion of democratic ideals. Everyone would come to have free and easy access to accurate information from which they could construct their own realities and truths, and those truths would set them free. Armed with the facts they could get outside of the dominant ideologies that convinced them to vote against their self-interests, cast off the shackles of the repressive anglo-male dominance and do whatever it is people do once people do that. Which, apparently, is put up pictures of your friends doing beer bongs and twitter to the world existential questions like, ‘why haven’t I read that book?’

I just posted a witty comment on a friend’s Facebook status. She’s updated her status and failed to publicly recognize my comment. Now I feel bad. At least I thought it was witty.

Can one load most pages with a dial-up connection anymore? If not, who can’t afford broad band? And are those the people who need access to info?

I voted. On Facebook I joined the ‘remind your friends to vote’ thingy, and altho I suspect it was really more a ‘tell the world you’re a good person because you voted’ thingy at least it was trying. I’m sure without all the searching for old classmates that’s now possible, many people might otherwise have forgotten about the election.

It’s the unexamined nature of all this that irks me. Ya know why everybody does this? ’cause everybody does this. Let’s hope none of the early adopters jumps off a cliff.

Winter Companions

Garlic and Onions. Yup. And Shallots.

“Oh, no. No. You didn’t eat them did you?” I had a distasteful vision of planting stock sizzling in butter.

She looked at me with a bit of puzzlement. “Well, not yet.”

“Good. Those are for planting.”

“Oh. That’s right. You told me you were going to bring me shallots.”

Then what on earth were you going to eat them for, I thought. I gave her the planting instructions for the organic goodies I had left her: red shallots and yellow shallots and three types of garlic, and hurried on my rounds. I stop and look at the school pond – too shallow for fish, but with a lot of nice irises and rushes. Students walk by and wonder what I’m doing. I smile.

Working at a school, I get many of the opportunities to exchange pleasantries that make Facebook seem like deep conversation. These sorts of thing are, I suspect, meant to reassure each other that we are ready to acknowledge each other’s existence. Most occasions, matching their ‘hello’ with my ‘how ya doin’?’ is sufficient. Other times, from opposite ends of a hall, we see each other coming and I’m sure they can see me thinking about how I’m going to entertain them as they walk by. Typically, their exchanges are focused on weather. And mine are too.

“Looks like winter’s almost here!” I’ll say, taking the initiative, as we close in.
“Yeah,” they take the bait, “don’t you hate it when it gets like this?” they try to agree as we pass.
“Nah… I love it!” I say half turned to disagree before they’re too far gone.

Late fall is not the best time for gardening, especially when the ground freezes. I need to plant kale next year, and leeks – both of which I understand to be very cold hardy. My Swiss Chard remains colorful and healthy after our killing freeze, and even the collards are hanging in there. They’re not long for the world, but the garlic, that’s a different story.

Garlic and shallots plant in the fall. Not unlike flower bulbs, tho not nearly so deep. It’s part of their life cycle, cold then cool, then hot. They start to grow in the fall, hunker down for the winter and greet spring with wiggly finger-like leaves. Ones that I hadn’t harvested over the summer have sprouted again, and may hold me over for the winter. I’m reluctant to till my shallot patch, because ya can’t really afford shallots, and they seem to keep growing back every year. It’s a good thing.

I do like the winter, almost as much as I like garlic. I think of my plants out there in the wind and the snow when a colleague complains. It’s all weather, I think, the weather. No, I don’t want floods or old folks to die in ice storms, but you never hear the shallots complain about a November flurry. I think of their green in the fall and their underground life in the winter and want tot tell people to take heart. Variety is the spice of life, and that counts for the weather as much as for the veggies.

www.extension.iastate.edu/Publications/PM1894.pdf